7:20 amAs usual, it was a gloomy and overcast start to my day in
I passed by one of those large LCD displays hung all across the airport’s walls and the weather report being presented in one of the news channels caught my eye. “A perfectly sunny day for Londoners to flaunt their bodies in two-piece bikinis and get some tan!”, beamed the rather pretty lady at the foreground of a digitally projected map.
“What the heck is she saying?!!” , I wondered aloud, much to the dismay of the guy one step ahead of me on the escalator, “Its freaking gloomy!”.
And then I realized. It was nice and sunny outside. The day wore a shine like a newly polished diamond! It was me who was freaking gloomy! The people around me were happy, men in their Hawaiian shirts and women in their polka dotted skirts.. they all looked so damn happy!! Oh yeah, I was the one who wasn’t exactly happy!
And what reason did I have to be? The love of my life had just deserted me after 4 years of courtship and here I am, my bags packed, a loopy sadness on my face, ready to leave London and land in Mumbai in the next 10 hours and then be dolled up and married off to some guy I haven’t even met!
7:32 am
“All passengers scheduled to be on board British Airways Flight no. BA1033 are requested to report to gate G3 in the next five minutes", came a rather dry announcement over the airport intercom.
I was sad and screaming mad at that horror of a person for dumping me! Didn’t he have any brains at all ?! Where the heck would he find a girl like me?!?!
I sat down in the departure lounge, my anger and sadness giving way to despair and then a feeling of helplessness.
7:42 am
My final thoughts before the next announcement were: “Heck! I wish this was one of those Bollywood movies where the hero would dash down the city roads to get back his girl ! Alas, there’s only 2 minutes left. He’ll never make it even if he were to try! L “
It was precisely at that very moment , a couple of hundreds of years ago, that two rather shameless canaries were circling the skies of 18th century Iceland, dipped in dollops of romance and unable to control the pangs of passion developing between them. With their plumes in a shade of flaming yellow and set against the backdrop of a wonderful blue sky and a serene white ground , their public display of affection was even causing the few flakes of snow falling from the skies to melt mid-air!
Wing-in-wing, they danced to their own rhythm of divine love. They twirled , and then they swirled, and they whooshed and finally perched upon a drift of heavy air flowing northwards. They saw into each others eyes and felt their insides melt, and then they could hold back no more and in one outrageous display of bravery, the male pulled his girl close to him by her feathers, and planted a passionate kiss on her curvy beak! When it turned into a smooch, neither of them could tell.
Another thing they couldn’t tell either, was how that bravura act of theirs was to be responsible for a cloud of volcanic ash to be strewn up into the air, covering airspace over vast continents and grounding flights at the airports a couple of centuries later!
As would later on be discovered in a report by a crazy 21st century Scandinavian scientist working for the United Nations Climate Change Council, the bodily heat generated by each kissing canary had approximately contributed to 1 zillionth of the heat let out in the atmosphere, which with many other factors like stupid humans making machines that emitted smoke and methane-emitting cows with digestive problems , eventually led to a pan-continental state of fear called ‘Global Warming’, which was basically a wonderful topic on which environmentalists and diplomats met each year in serene locations like Copenhagen ( of course, being flown there by supersonic jets which emitted an obscene amount of carbon!) and debated endlessly about ‘climate change’ over hot cups of coffee!
The particular report also mentioned something about global warming and volcanoes having a cyclic effect on each other, each adding fuel to the others’ venomous intentions!
As it turned out, on one particular day at around 7:30 am in the morning, the weather control officials at the Heathrow airport received a confirmed incoming report that a volcanic ash cloud erupting from something funny and unpronounceable called as the ‘Eyjafjallajokull’ in Iceland ,had led the government to take a decision to indefinitely declare flights as ‘unsafe’ to fly anywhere at all and an immediate announcement to this effect was to made to alert all staff and passengers.
The dry voice came on again on the intercom: “All passengers are hereby informed that due to an emergency of volcanic ash from
I sat there, unable to react, perplexed. I picked up my luggage and started back on the tedious and boring journey along all those flights of stairs and elevators and escalators to reach an information desk.
It was 8 am now. My flight stood cancelled. My life stood at a standstill.
And then, something moved. From behind a silhouette of a group of people set against the transparent glass walls, I could see him! With a bouquet of red roses in his hand and a ‘SORRY, COME BACK HONEY!’ placard held high up in public view! Realization had finally dawned upon him! He was here!!
And so you see, all is well that ends well. And he eventually made it upto me and thanked the volcanic ash cloud aloud for giving him those extra 15 minutes to make it to the airport through the impossible London traffic!
P.S:
A few years later, my nerdy husband would talk to me about an article published by a crazy Scandinavian scientist in one of those super-intelligent science magazines.
He told me how it talked about climate change and how the mad scientist had proposed that innocent kissing canaries contributed to it and how a team of medical archeologists who had nothing else to do, had planned an excavation in Iceland and had actually discovered the glorious mummies of two little canaries, their beaks still stuck in each other and locked for eternity in the act of love , and how they had dated back the love-birds to be more than a couple of hundred years old. They had then commissioned a team of biologists and mathematicians to confirm the facts. It then talked about how the biologists, with nothing else to do, had then actually conducted an experiment on two poor live canaries to calculate the exact amount of body heat they generated when they kissed ( there was a side article, supposedly detailing the pains the scientists had to go through to get the two birds to kiss, including showing them some unmentionable things!) and how the mathematicians, who obviously had nothing else to do, had used all of the available theorems and theories including the chaos theory or butterfly effect ( the mathematicians suggested renaming it as the ‘Canary effect’ from now on!) , had interpolated the exact amount of heat all such kissing couples in the sky could have amounted to over the years, thereby feeding the scientific world with irrevocable proof that the crazy scientist, was infact , not that crazy after all!
I commissioned an artist to get a portrait done, of those two kissing canaries set against a blue sky and Icelandic glaciers , and I had it laminated and framed against my bedroom wall , and it stays there, till date!
This story is pure fiction with imaginary facts interwoven with real ones! Please don’t question the scientific authenticity!
